Kindergarten Bitches

It’s so sad that some mean girls get such an early start…

Last September, I chaperoned my daughter’s first school field trip.  We went to the pumpkin patch and to pick apples.  I was assigned 2 other kids to watch in addition to my kid, and I was nothing but nice to both of them.  We had a great time.

The next day my 5-year-old daughter came home and informed me that one of them, Natalie, had told her that she didn’t like me because I was fat.

Now, I had always worried that my children would be affected at some point because they had a fat mother.  I just wasn’t expecting it to happen this soon.  I never had any trouble with any of the kids in my son’s class…so I was a little surprised that this was happening so early in my daughter’s school career.

I’m not going to lie.  I went upstairs and I cried.  I was so sad that my kid might be teased at school because of me.  I felt like throwing up.

Today, my daughter brought home a field trip permission slip.  I asked her if she wanted me to come with her.  There was a long silence.  Then she said “Someone at school says you are fat, so I will take Daddy this time.”

My heart is broken, and now I don’t even like making an appearance at my son’s class.  I wonder if his friends are thinking the same thing.  I suspect 7-year-old boys are too busy thinking about boy stuff to worry about whether someone’s mom is fat or not…but I wonder.

I don’t want my kids to be embarrassed about me.

This comes on the heels of a less than stellar week.  I don’t know what it is this week, but I have really felt like snacking a lot.  Mostly I’ve been able to avoid it, but there has also been a lot of eating out.  Mostly I have done well with it, but Sunday I just let go and ordered what I wanted instead of what I should have.  I’ve been working out but I still feel like such a failure.

So to have my daughter say this to me today, while I am trying to cling to my weight loss process and not give up hurts all the more.  It hurts me that I will not be able to go on any of her field trips this year because at no point during this school year will I not be fat and I will not have my daughter teased because of me. 

Of course I don’t give a rat’s ass what this kid thinks.  She can say what she wants about me, she’s just a dumb 5-year-old.  It’s my kid’s feelings that I care about. 

To add insult to injury, today I was looking through some old pictures and when I finally found the one I was looking for, I was a little sad.  I was looking for pictures of my son’s second birthday, which occurred 4 months after the birth of my daughter.  I was much thinner then. 

I hate that I am much fatter then than I was shortly after having a baby.  I  hate that I let this happen.  I just really hate what I am right now.

Lotta hate here today, folks.  Lotta hate.

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7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Karen Ogle
    Jan 18, 2011 @ 17:05:41

    With all due respect here, you are missing the bigger picture. This is not just about someone teasing your daughter. This is about you allowing your daughter to believe there is something about you she should be ashamed of. You need to sit her down and set her straight. People come in all sizes. I would also go to the teacher and explain what happened to her and encourage her to have a little talk with the class about respecting other people and their feelings. You may be feeling like you deserve this but that is crap. No one deserves to be disrespected because of their appearance. You DO NOT want to teach your daughter that appearance is more important than what kind of person you are.

    Hugs,
    Karen

    Reply

  2. Michelle
    Jan 18, 2011 @ 17:22:25

    triple dislike on this post!!! My heart just aches for you hun because I know how heartbroken I would have been in the same situation. In my case, it has been more my (ex) husband who has been ashamed of me. I don’t even know what to say to make it better because it just flat out sucks.

    All I can say sweetie is you are MORE than what you are on the outside and unfortunately, kids aren’t going to see that. I’m sure their parents have some kind of vice they struggle with, but it just isn’t something that other kids are going to pick up on unless they show up at the apple orchard with a bottle of Jim Beam or something.

    Keep at it. You will get there. You are already making progress (I just looked at your pics 🙂 so you ARE getting your body back. Hugs girl.

    BTW, have you ever thought about having a conversation with your daughter about the incident? I know she’s only 5, but really sitting down with her and explaining why what the girls said was mean and irrelevant? I’m just thinking that if I had been in the same boat with Tanner, I would have probably tried to help him understand that we can change the outside all we want, but it is what is inside that really counts. As a matter of fact, if you can, check out the book “You are Special” by Max Lucado. It does have a Christian perspective, but essentially it is a warning to not let other’s opinions define who you are, because ultimately it isn’t their opinion that matters. It might help give you a context to discuss this with your daughter. She is beginning to develop ideas about the world around her and you certainly don’t want her to think that the essential YOU that means more to her than anything in the world changes based on whether you wear a hat or don’t, have blue eyes or green eyes, red hair or blue hair or weigh 125 lbs or 500 lbs. You remember that too! xx

    Reply

  3. Twiggy
    Jan 18, 2011 @ 17:59:40

    Thank you for the kind comments.

    When this happened in September, I did talk to my daughter about that, and I do make sure to talk to my kids about the things you both mentioned. I guess my thoughts were that I didn’t want to “remind” the little brat about me so she could tease my kid again. I am worried if she is that mean, that she doesn’t need additional ammo to use against my kid. It actually seems like my daughter and this brat are friends, and this is one of those awful things kids say to each other…almost in passing, you know? I don’t think it’s ever been mentioned again but my kids have elephant memories…they never forget anything. It has probably been long forgotten by the brat.

    I should talk to the teacher about it…but I am actually a little embarrassed to even bring it up…if that makes sense.

    And I know I owe you progress pics. I am trying to do them every 10 lbs and I owed you last week. I will get Hubster to take them tonight I think, now that I am being open with him about my weight loss. He still doesn’t know about my blog though.

    Reply

  4. FatAngryBlog
    Jan 18, 2011 @ 18:03:46

    I agree with Karen about talking to the teacher and talking to your daughter!

    When I was pregnant with Baby Girl, one of Son’s friend’s said to him, “Your Mom is really fat.” when I was picking him up at school and he turned and said, “My Mom’s growing a BABY!”

    Then when we got home we had a big talk about how some kids say rude, hurtful things because no one taught them any better.

    *HUG*

    GO ON THE FIELD TRIP WITH YOUR HUBBY!

    Reply

  5. Chicky
    Jan 18, 2011 @ 18:08:40

    I’m a teacher, and the other side of the coin is that 5 year olds will say anything that pops to their heads. But usually not in a mean way, more like “I’m pointing this out to you…” Kind of way. I hope, for the girl’s parent’s sake, she wasn’t “a mean girl”.

    That being said, it still sucks. As a teacher and Sub, I get a lot of mean things put my way…even about weight. So I feel for you. It’s rough and just adds to the criticism we already feel.

    Another reason (albeit a sad, sad, one) to continue on these journeys of ours.

    Here’s to wishing the world was a nicer place.

    Reply

  6. jellybellybegone
    Jan 18, 2011 @ 19:31:22

    ((HUGS)) I can just imagine how devastating this was for you. The one thing that will just tear our hearts out in an instant, is if our kids are hurting in any way.

    honestly, that is one of my reasons for weight loss… my daughter is only two, but I don’t want her to ever get teased for having a fat mom. It’s been in the back of mind over time… and I just can’t bear to see that happen.

    Reply

  7. als
    Jan 19, 2011 @ 04:05:47

    Oh, Twiggy – I’m so sorry for the hurt. I can totally empathize, even though I don’t have kids. The responses posted by others here have really good advice — I’m afraid all I can offer is some empathy and a hug.

    (((((Twiggy)))))

    Reply

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