Need to start taking the time to blog again

It used to be that I would get up in the morning, see my kids off to school, and then spend an hour or so on the computer while eating my breakfast and stuff.  Then I would do…whatever it is I had in mind that morning and come back to my computer for lunch.  I would sit down at my computer off and on through the afternoon, and that’s when I would blog.

When I start drifting off course, the first thing to go is blogging.   I don’t write in my blog, and I don’t read yours.  I don’t write in mine because I don’t want to write about how I am “trying to get back on the wagon, but….”.  I know what people think about that, when every day a blogger posts “Today started out great but….”  Yeah.

So I post nothing.

I don’t want to read YOUR blog when I am off in the ditch because I don’t want to read about your success.  It just makes me feel more like a failure.  So I don’t.

As a result, I am waaaay behind on my blog reading, and my blog writing.

Because it feels like an insurmountable obstacle to try and catch you up, I will not try.  I will just pick up right here where we are at right now.  As I think I mentioned before, I have gained a little weight.  I am not sweeping it under the rug or trying to pretend I have not.  Some of it comes from eating more carbs than before, but I suspect most of it comes from eating more pizza than I was before.  And McDonalds.  And evening snacks.  And morning snacks.  And afternoon snacks.  And stuff.  I am doing well right now, but I feel like I am a big pile of really dry wood soaked in gasoline and the scale is that itty bitty lit match.  I do not want to go up in flames right now.

Soooo, I am staying off the scale until I feel the time is right.  I don’t know when that will be.  Probably about a month of being totally on track and nice.  Then I might peek under the bandage to see where we are at.  I just want to keep the good vibe rolling here, not hide anything…so I am telling you now, yeah I did gain a little weight while I was out at recess.  Not a lot, but enough to make me feel really sad.

I thought about making a reward for myself.  I had something in mind.  I had my eye on a cool gadget to help me in the pursuit of my newest hobby.  I decided that once I got down to X weight (whatever it was, I don’t remember) I would get it.  Then I realized that by then, summer would be winding down and this is more of a smmer thing where I live.  Also, this thing would potentially help me get to my WL goal, so I decided to allow myself to get it, but to always remember when I use it, that I need to be staying on track.  Kind of like when you “buy” a house.  You get it before you have the money, but every time you send out the payment, you remember that this is not a right, it’s a privilage…or something like that.

Anyway, since I decided not to say no to myself with regard to that item…what then?  What could I possibly hold over my own head?  What could I tempt myself or threaten myself with that could be that powerful?  And the answer came to me.

About a year ago, Hubster mentioned wanting to drop our landline.  I dug my heels in.  I flatly refused to consider it.  N to the O.  I did not have a “real” cell phone (I had a prepaid one), and our cell reception in our house is poor.  Huh uh.  A couple of months later, my birthday rolled around.  For my birthday, Hubster presented me with a “real” cell phone.  Not a fancy schmancy one, it’s the s@msung reclaim if you care at all.  I do like it, it’s a great phone.   Once again, he made the pitch about dropping the land line.   Once again, I told him how impossible that would be.  Our cell reception was still awful in the house, and with all our family living far away, the fact that we had unlimited talking on our landline included was awesome.  I would not want to be limited by cell phone minutes, and besides, our reception sucked.

Hubster was given a device that amplifies our cell reception in the house by his work.  Apparently they think they should be able to call him at home or something.  He brought up the whole landline thing again, this time arguing that our reception is now totally fine, which it is.  Only this time, he made an adjustment to his offer.  He told me that I could get a fancy shmancy phone when I was able to upgrade.  Whatever I want.  Anything to be able to drop the landline.

I finally agreed.  A super fancy cell phone is something I REALLY want.  I have been virtually counting down the days until upgrade time.

Well, I decided that if i don’t make it to a certain weight before upgrade time, I will simply not get my phone.  The day will come when I could have gotten it, and it will pass right by.  I will be sad.  I will be frustrated.  I will be kicking myself.  But I will not get that phone until that weight is reached.  I will not. 

So…there you go.  Here I am, poised to finally break into the world of people will cool phones…but only if I behave.

Nice, huh?


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