Last night’s trip to the gym was great.  After my lackluster performance earlier in the day, I wasn’t sure if I would have a good workout in the evening either.  Would I have the energy to work it?  Or would I phone it in.

I worked it 🙂

Intervals for 30 minutes in which had me pouring sweat.  My little white towel was wet, and the droplets rolled down my face and bounced off my shirt and splattered onto the ground below me.  I never wear cotton shirts to the gym, I prefer those “stay dry” type shirts because they are lighter and they don’t stick to my skin when they get wet.  Cotton shirts just get wet, sticky, and heavy.  Ick.  It’s also fun to watch the sweat bounce off my gym shirts…I may be easily amused…

Anyway, I did my intervals and followed it up with a short jog on the treadmill.  No weights this close to weigh in…but I will do those tomorrow and Friday.

Here’s hopin for love on the scale tomorrow.


It’s monday again?

This week has flown by!

I have been to the gym every single day this week, and it feels really good.  Instead of being tired in the evening after a long day, I actually feel like going again!  I know, it’s nuts!

Sadly, the summer program my older two kids have been attending is over, so now if I want to go right away in the morning, I have to pay for extra child care.  Today is Kid#1’s birthday, and he is turning 8, so I am off the hook for paying for childcare for him.  8 year olds are allowed to play in the game room and stuff without an adult.  If that wasn’t the case, I would have to stop going in the mornings because I can’t afford to pay for childcare for 3 kids every single day…that would be more than my membership costs.  2 I can deal with.

My eating has been under control.  There have been higher calorie days, but not outright, full on, out of control days where I just said “screw it” and did what I wanted.

Today is one of those days.  As I said, it’s my son’s birthday.  This means it’s a different day foodwise.  For breakfast, I made biscuits and gravy.  I only had about half of what I would have eaten before.  It is tradition that the birthday person gets to pick a meal on their birthday.  Often this translates to going out to eat…unless it’s hubster’s birthday.  He prefers to eat in and save money ;).  Kid#1 wanted to go to the chinese buffet for lunch.  Knowing that hamburgers are on the menu for dinner (homemade ones, that is, including homemade buns), I didn’t really want to, but I settled for eating only a small amount of my favorite things and keeping the rice to a minimum.  I spent all the time I wasn’t eating after I finished my smallish portion guiding my kids in how to behave at a restaurant.  I don’t know how many times I repeated “Sit on your bottom facing the table with your legs hanging down and USE YOUR NAPKIN.”  The 4 year old was the least wiggly.

As I made the buns for tonight’s hamburgers, I made one less than we have burgers.  My plan is to eat mine without the bun.  I am not into any extreme diets or anything, but when I need to cut corners, the carbs are the first to go.  It’s more important for my body to get protein, I think, so i’m eating the burger, not the bun.

As for the cake….I’ll have a sliver of cake, no ice cream.  I’m not even sure if we’ll have ice cream because all the kids had some at lunch, and we don’t have any in the house so I would have to have Hubster pick it up on the way home from work…maybe we’ll just skip it. 

And that’s it.  Yes, it’s a higher than average calorie day for me, but not out of control.  I have had several <1200 calorie days this week, so there is room in my budget for a couple of bites of cake on my son’s birthday.  Don’t worry, no leftover cake for me.  It’s not even tasty on the second day anyway.

So…why all the gym time lately?  Because I’m going this!

I’m not going to win, but I would like to not be too embarrassed 😉


Don’t know what to call this one…

Last night we went to a tubing event with the cub scouts.  It was fun:

 The view from the bottom.  They have a  tow line that you can see on the right hand side.  Alternatively, you can walk up the hill if you want.  I walked up the hill the first time, but as you can see in the picture, it was pretty slick so I did not walk up again.  I would have, just to get in some extra excersise, but some things are just not worth falling down a 450 foot hill. 

This is the view from the top.  I’m a little bit sad that this picture doesn’t do it justice.  It was a little bit scary the first time down, I won’t lie lol.  See that backstop at the end?  To keep from flying over it into the road on the other side, I had to dig my heels into the snow from time I cleared the walls between the lanes, and dig them in HARD!  My hamstrings DID get a good workout last night just from that.  Even then I almost went over the edge.  I sailed right up to the top and sort of teetered at the edge like on a cartoon, but managed to stay on the right side.  I did see a few people go over the edge.  All the kids were desperately trying to go over it but weren’t heavy enough to go that fast.  I am plenty heavy enough, so I had to try desperately not to go over it.

Yesterday was the warmest day we’ve had in a while, so it was a really nice evening to go.  It was about 38 degrees while we were there.  A welcome break from the sub zero temps we’ve been having. 

2 years ago we went to this place with a church group.  It was below zero that night, and I could not zip my jacket up.  I’ve talked about my jacket before.  I can now zip it without much of a problem, but last night I didn’t even wear it.  Just a sweatshirt and a pair of sweatpants under my jeans.

I would have probably still gone even if I still weighed 320 lbs.  I wonder if I would still be 320 if I had not started this journey.  Could I perhaps have been more?  (scary thought!)  Maybe a little less?  Who knows.  In any case, last night I was glad to be 40ish lbs lighter and in better shape as I played in the snow with my kids.  That hill is 450 ft long and is 70 ft higher at the top, and I walked it just fine without even getting winded.

I am really looking forward to going again next year.

The Good News

I realize I’ve been full of gloom lately…it probably doesn’t seem like it as much to you because I went from having a decent weigh in and winning a contest to my last post which was pretty morose…but the space of that was almost a week and I will tell you that every single day of that week I was feeling glum.

Here is the good news.

First item.  I woke up yesterday with an intense desire to try a recipe for cauliflower pizza I found on Lyn’s Escape from Obesity  who in turn found it here (trying to give all the credit that is due!).  The only problem was I did not have any cauliflower.  I spent a couple of hours trying to decide if it was worth a trip to the store in temps well below zero (that’s below ZERO folks, not below freezing…biiiiiig difference).  In the end I bundled Kid#3 up and we went.  I made a couple of small changes to Lyn’s version.  I used a little less cheese where cheese was called for (I was shooting for very low calories yesterday).  Also in the “crust” mixture, I use italian seasoning in place of oregano, and a generous amount of garlic powder. 

It.  Was.  Amazing.

Seriously.  I loved it.  I read all the comments on her blog so I made sure to spread the crust as thin as possible and I had to bake it for quite a while longer than 15 minutes, but you REALLY want the crust to be very well done.  It’s worth the wait.  The broiling part goes much faster.  I wish I had pictures, it was gorgeous and delicious.  I ate the entire thing and it was worth fewer than 400 calories.  That was after not eating breakfast, so my calorie count after lunch was less than 400.

I liked it SO much, I made it again for dinner.  I had a pizza, and I made the kids a breadstick version (no sauce, more cheese) to go with their dinner.  They loved it!  So my dinner clocked in at less than 400 calories again, bringing my total for the day to 800.

I was shooting for a very low calorie day to even things out after last week.  Today I am just going for moderate.  But I’m getting off the subject.

Item #2.  I was reading my previous post about the peanut butter MMs after someone commented that I should not be too hard on myself, it was only a little chocolate.    Sure enough, I left out the part where I ate a lot more.  Like 2 servings (about 450 calories).  I started out doing fine with the 5 I ate, but then things got away from me.  Anyway, along with the PB MMs, my relative sent one of these:


I have not eaten it.  It’s been in there for maybe 2 weeks.  It is not calling my name.  I have not been tempted to eat it.  I like that.  I feel like I am exercising my “saying no to myself” muscle every time I see it and don’t eat it. 

Third item.  Are we up to 3 already?  To celebrate my favorite team’s NFC championship, I bought a shirt.  I bought it in a size smaller than I normally would.  Normally I would have looked for an XXL, so I bought this one in XL.  More motivation to lose more weight if I ever want to wear that shirt, right?  Today I tried it on and saw this (It looked better in  real life):


My first thought was “OMG.  My boobs look AWESOME in that!”  My second thought was “OMG.  I SO cannot wear this to the preschool today.”  Too much boob for little kids.  It’s too snug to wear, really, but I am a lot closer to fitting in it than I thought.  Then I remembered the someday box.  I pulled it out of the closet and on top there was a shirt with characters from the book “Where the Wild Things Are.”  I decided to try it on….and I wore it to the school (I was going to do volunteer work).  It looked fine.  Something out of the someday box!

I knew that was one of the more generous XL’s in that box so I didn’t bother with much else, but still. 


In other news, I am scrambling to stay on track now.  I want to see results.  I want to start on the last 10 lbs to get to -50.  I want it, so I am doing it.  I ate fewer than 1000 calories yesterday, and so far today I am up to about 600.  Not sure what we’re having for dinner yet, but if I want to hit 1200ish, I have 600 and that’s plenty. 

I want to push past this “wall” I seem to have it and keep going.  It’s not a plateau, I would call it that if I’d been on plan all the time and not losing for a few weeks.  “The wall” for me is when I hit the -30 mark and then I lose my grip and things get out of hand.  I have been here twice before.  This time I must move on.

One more thing I forgot to mention.  I was not outted at my party on sunday.  My mother in law came in and she said “You look nice” but that could have meant anything from she liked my new shirt to she liked the way I did my hair.  Nothing was said about weight at all.  WHEW!

What is it?

I have not been motivated to blog lately…I don’t know why.

When I set out to blog, I knew I wanted to be a blogger who updated often, every day if possible.  It just seems like the last week or so I have been falling behind.  I have been reading your blogs, but I haven’t had anything to say myself.

You’ve all probably assumed I’ve just been eating too much so that’s why I’ve been staying away, so I won’t have to admit that here.  Not true.  I’ve been eating like I normaly do.  Staying at my desired calorie level, and hitting the gym a little bit.  Yeah, I said a little bit.  Not perfect.

One thing I did that last time I went to the gym is ask them in person wtf is up with that holiday trimmings contest.  A couple of weeks ago I had emailed and asked if there was going to be a wrap up email about it, and got no response.  I asked at the front desk about it yesterday, and the lady went to get the person who was in charge of it, and she turned out not to be in the office.  They wanted to take my email address so that I could be contacted about it and I said “I’m sure EVERYONE who participated is curious”.  I ended up not giving them my email address, more because after I said that, I forgot about it…and then Hubster was at my elbow and it was time to go.  I don’t even know if they’ve notified the winner.  The front desk lady did say she had been told the name of the winner and it was a girl…but she couldn’t remember the name.  I hadn’t asked.  I told them I didn’t expect to have won, but I wanted to know things like:

  • What percentage of their weight did the winner lose?
  • How many people participated?
  • What percentage of the participants lose weight (vs gained or didn’t do the weigh ins)
  • Who won the drawings?

This is not rocket science, people!

Weigh in is tomorrow.  It’s going to be a loss, but I’m not sure how much.  Do I think it was affected by my pig out on wednesday?  Yes.  Is that the end of the world?  No.  I moved on.  I am staying the course.  I’m close to getting into a new “decade” and that excites me.  I day dream about the fact that, by the time it gets warm here again, I could very well be in the 250’s.

I just wish I was more bloggy.  I just don’t feel like I have a lot to say lately.

Lotsa snow

I just looked out the window this morning, and it looks like we got a lot more snow last night.  I am going to take my boys outside to see if we can make a snow man.  That ought to burn some calories.

Last night I did a workout video on netflix.  It was one of those cardio dance ones, and since   wearing my HRM, I could tell that it was working me out pretty good.  Those things can either be a good workout, or  not…depends on how much work you put into it.  I did a decent job at it.

Today, after snow man construction, I am going to the gym.  My daughter has basketball, and I always work out while she does that.

Still up as of this morning.  Hopefully it will come down before weigh in on wednesday.  I really want to get to the 40 lbs mark so I can start chipping away at the last 10 lbs before 50!

The one where I struggle


First I want to say that I am owning my responsibility in all of this.  I’m no complaining about it, or saying that this happened “to” me.  I realize that I am the one that did it.  It was my choice.  So this isn’t a “woe is me” type post.  I do write those sometimes, but they’re usually about situations in my life that I have a little less control over.  I am merely writing about this situation here to record it for posterity, and to keep my blog honest.  When I started this blog, I set out to document my journey, and leaving out the bad parts wouldn’t be fair.  Besides, when I am at my goal weight, reading back over my posts of everything it took to get me there, I want to read about the bad times as well as the good. 

I committed the biggest….I don’t even know what to call it… screw-up?  That’s not the phrase I want to use, but this is a family blog here…so I try to keep it nice.  Anyway, it was a disaster.

Hubster was out of town.  This is stressful for me, and I am a stress eater.  I was on plan the entire time he was gone except for one evening – and that was enough.  It is stressful to me when I have to run my entire household single-handed.   Hubster and I usually use a divide and conquer strategy when dealing with the kids, so when I am alone, things are very different.  I will admit that I have it easy most of the time.  Really easy.  Hubs is very involved with just about every aspect of our family life.  He does at least  half, which is a lot considering he is here half as much as I am.  As I type this, he is doing the dishes (while I play on my computer).

Anyway, he was gone and I was on plan the whole time until wednesday night.  It’s traditional for us to order pizza one night when he goes out of town.  It gives me a break from cooking, and I usually do okay with it.

Not this time.

To make a long story short, I ate more pizza than I should have.  It was more than I have eaten in months.  My meals have gotten fairly small over the last 3 months.  This meal was not as small.  My stomach felt awful.  I was stuffed, and I have not felt that feeling in a long time.  I’m sure it takes less to make me feel that way now (which is good!) but still.  It was really uncomfortable.

To make matters worse, this pizza was somehow particularly high in sodium.  Everyone was really thirsty after eating it, including me.  That usually doesn’t happen to me.  I’ve heard of people getting thirsty after eating a lot of sodium, but it’s never happened to me.  Well this time it did.  I was CRAZY thirsty.

Can it get worse?  Yes, it can.  I had more pizza for breakfast the next day (yesterday).   I didn’t eat too much, I just one piece, but that was enough.  My stomach complained.  My insides felt like they were full of sludge.  My intestines were in a state of riot.  My system was in distress.

To give my poor stomach a rest, I did not eat again until dinner, not even a snack.  At dinner, I had a small bowl of chili.  I figured the fiber would do me some good and the sodium wasn’t too awful because it’s homemade so I know exactly what went into it.

Part 2 of my plan to exorcise the pizza demon was to drink water like there was no tomorrow.  I set a timer for 10 minutes and every 10 minutes, I drank 16 oz of water.   My whole afternoon went like this:

Drink water, fill brita pitcher, do laundry (or some other cleaning task), drink water, fill pitcher, cleaning task, drink water……and on and on.  I don’t know how much I drank.  I just kept going.  I normally try to drink a lot of water, 100 oz plus, but this was more than that, I’m sure.

Later, when I ran up the stairs for something, I felt something strange.  My legs were swollen with fluid.  I don’t know if you’re experienced that…but when I was pregnant it happened to me a lot.  My legs feel weird when they have a lot of edema going on…almost like the skin on them is tight or something.  I could feel it as I went up the stairs. 

I checked the scale.  Amazing.  I was 10ish lbs heavier than I had been the day before.  And I could tell it was all in my legs.

I kept drinking, but I slowed down a little.

Today I stepped on the scale again.  I am nearly down to my wednesday weigh in weight.  So, I’m thankful for that.

You don’t need to tell me not to panic.  I’m not.  I will be fine.  As far as calories go, I knew I was having pizza on wednesday, so I did leave some room in my weekly calories for it and yesterday I didn’t eat much at all.  Today is going to be just like any other day, on plan and fine.  It’s going to be fine, I just wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t put it out there.

So there it is.

Going to take the dog for a walk now!

Tomorrow is the big day

Weigh in Wednesday, yet again!

Guess what’s in my toaster oven?  A Pinewood Derby car!  I know…not what you expected, but at least I can’t eat that!

Around here, I am the pwd expert.  So when it comes time for my son’s cub scout derby, I am the parent that helps with that.  I have a little wood putty in it right now , so I just have it on “warm” so it dries a little faster for me.  I need to apply the lead weights and fill the rest of it before he gets home, so he can finish the sanding and hopefully we get to some painting tonight!

Back to weight loss…

Things have been going pretty…normal.  Eating…drinking….working out (a little bit)…sleeping….lather, rinse, repeat. 

I will admit.  I don’t work out as often as I could.  I go maybe 3 times a week.  Maybe.  Most weeks, it’s more like 2.  I realize this is sub-standard.  I realize this will not see me through to my goal.  I do.  The thing is, I am losing at a rate that is not to shabby right now even without it.  I am not stressed about it right now…when my rate of loss slows, I will pick it up.

NSV – Today I went to teach computers at the preschool and they had beaten me up to the computer lab.  It’s 3 floors up from where their classroom is, and I raced to catch up with them.  I’ve done that before…and been horribly out of breath when I get to the top.  Now I can run up all those stairs without any problems.  I can get in there and talk to them right away without having to spend a couple of minutes huffing and puffing 🙂

Stay tuned for weigh in tomorrow!

I’m still here

The day following my last post was fine.  I know, I should have dropped in to let you know, but I have been doing great.

We had tacos the other night – and I decided to have mine as a taco salad instead.  I put the meat I would have put in my tacos and put it on top of a mountain of lettuce, tomatoes, and peppers.  I added a bit of sour cream and some avocado and it was really good.

I have tried to make good choices when we go out to eat, and tried to make good choices at home.  Snacking continues to be my biggest problem.  90% of the time, I don’t snack even when I have the urge to, but the fact that the urge is there at all is the problem.  I just want to eat! 

Sometimes I look at my total amount of weight lost, and feel disappointed.  As of my last weigh in, it was something like 34 lbs.  That sounds like such a tiny amount.  Only 34.  I thought the same thing about 10 lbs.  Hey, you can have the stomach flu for 24 hrs and drop 10 lbs easy.  10 lbs is nothing.  Then 15.  15 lbs is nothing.  Lots of people lose 15 lbs…then they gain back 20.  When I got to 20, I felt like it was more substantial.  25 was halfway to 50.  35 sounds like….so little.

I think as of this next weigh in, I will be within sight of 40 lbs lost.  40 sounds like a solid number.  And it’s almost 50.  Will I be happy when I have lost 50 lbs?  Probably not.  I’ll be looking ahead toward the 60 lbs mark.

60 is a lot of weight….right?

When will I be able to look at my amount of weight lost and appreciate that it is a lot?  Not enough to quit, but enough to be proud of?

I think the main reason I am so down on my progress in general is my lack of belly fat loss.  I don’t do measurements because it seems like I can never find the same spot again…but it doesn’t seem like I have lost a lot from my tummy.  Thighs, yes.  Absolutely.  2 inches per thigh is not bad.  Tummy?  When will you shrink a little bit? 

I guess I’m assuming that when I have lost 20 more lbs or so, it will have. 

I just feel so flabby, even though I can feel hard muscles under the flab…that doesn’t make me feel much better with all this floppy fat hanging on!

I want a do-over!

Yesterday just.plain.sucked.

I know, I have been saying that a lot lately.

I’m not talking about my food.   Eating-wise?  It was fine.  I am getting settled again and that makes me happy.  The days when I feel the urge to snack all day (it’s not hunger, just the urge to eat) really make me wonder if I will ever make much progress with this whole weight loss thing.

Other than eating, though, it was not a fun day.

I took my youngest to preschool and discovered that it was pajama day.  Everyone in the class remembered but us.  I felt awful. 

I went around and around with Hubster about which class to enroll him in next year.  Long story short, there are several options for him in preschool next year and Hubster and I don’t agree on which one I should sign him up for.  I began to get stressed.

When I picked Kid3 up from preschool, it became apparent that I had locked my keys in my car.  I called Hubster, who was not happy about the thought of having to leave work to bail me out.  To avoid this, I asked someone there who I have been pretty chummy with if I could borrow her car to go get the key from him.  She said no, which is her right, but it hurt my feelings a bit.

I went home, fed the kid, and had a lean cuisine pizza thingie for lunch.  Kid3 decided he wanted to take a nap, so I took him upstairs and thought I might lay down for a minute as well.  Not two minutes later, the tinkle of broken glass was heard.  Cursing the dog under my breath, I went downstairs to see what was going on.

The dog (and cat) had managed to break a floor lamp…and its bulb, which was one of those CFL bulbs.  Nice.  Poisonous mercury in the house, anyone?  Pieces of the bulb were EVERYWHERE.  I had to open the door to ventilate that house, and it was…oh….about 5 degrees outside.  I tried, but I found that I still didn’t clean it up right.  Note to self, don’t use those bulbs in floor lamps.

After all that, I had to lead a cub scout meeting from 5-6 and then a girl scout meeting from 6:30-7:30.  I squeezed dinner in between those.  It was pretty delicious, prepared by Hubster while I was out running around.

I am still a little worried about the less than proper clean up job I did with this stupid light bulb.  *sigh* 

This morning was nice, though, when I looked down at the scale and saw that I am -2 lbs from Wednesday’s weigh in already though.  I think today is going to be a much better day :).

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